Seeking the Holy Grail

Meeting resistance and asking the redeeming questions

In this edition of The Artemisian, I'll be answering a question submitted by a paid member. If you'd like to submit one of your own, consider joining the membership community. Upgrading allows you to engage further via in-depth monthly classes, access to the resource library and more¹. Your support also allows me to devote more time to these offerings and ensures they remain accessible.

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A paid member writes…

I love inner exploration, shadow work and self reflection yet whenever I unearth a subconscious belief or a potential inner child topic I lose interest, want to distract, or feel as if I am not “feeling it” — let’s say giving love to my inner child. It feels like I’m trying to construct it, to perform it, not feel it. It’s as if it’s too heady, in my thoughts only. Is there a simple (doesn’t have to be easy) practice that I can do and is it good to do it despite the thoughts that say its only my surface creation? Another way of asking is: How do I know I’ve reached my subconscious and am not making something up consciously?

Parsifal on the Way to the Grail Castle by Ferdinand Leeke

“Perceval has seen the mysterious castle, the sick King, the bleeding lance and the Grail, but as he did not ask what they meant they vanished without his having discovered anything about them. For this reason the whole incident has the effect of a dream…”

— Emma Jung & Marie Louise von Franz, The Grail Legend

There are many common struggles that individuals on the path of self-knowledge face. As we dip below the surface of conscious awareness, to the dark underbelly of the psyche, we are met with resistances, our defenses that strive to maintain a psychological homeostasis. We become distracted, filling our schedule with seemingly important tasks, and never carving out the time to return to our inner work.

Or, perhaps, we find ourselves questioning any manifestation that arises during these times. Was the image during my active imagination real, or did I make it up? Were the feelings of my inner child authentic, or did I force it? Can I trust the insights from this dream interpretation or have I got it all wrong?

It’s a curious problem to have. Even with an earnest attitude, a sincere willingness, we may be foiling the development of our individuation. Shouldn’t the flow of progress move us closer towards acceptance and integration? More times than not, inertia reigns supreme and we struggle against the transformation. It’s why symptoms build up over time — a heavy depression that just won’t lift, a haunting nightmare that never changes, reactionary behaviors we can’t seem to stop. This is the psyche’s way of getting our attention, challenging the ego’s current reliance on ways of being or relating that no longer serve us.

A fuller experience of life awaits us on the other side. This means acknowledging what feels powerful, resourceful, strengthening to our personality (like a sense of unclaimed creativity). In addition, what has been cut away, deemed unworthy or too painful to bear (like a childhood experience that was overwhelming).

The crucial moment comes when we first meet this aspect of ourself. Often, we are deeply unprepared to welcome it. And so, we distract or deem it absurd, and continue on, having missed the opportunity to begin a redemptive process.

It recalls to mind the quest for the Holy Grail, the well known Arthurian legend that finds an adventerous, yet foolish knight on a journey of self-discovery that is intertwined with a greater purpose. In most variations, the heroic figure, Perceval, stumbles upon the wounded Fisher King, a land in decay, and a mysterious castle.

There, he is witness to a procession. The grail upon a serving dish, a bleeding lance, a broken sword, all are paraded before him in a strange, dream-like scene. He wonders if he should say something about these items, or inquire about the king’s injury, but he does not. The strangeness is too much. The uncertainty of what he has seen makes him hesitant. He holds back from interacting, and so the land continues to fester, the king remains wounded, the mysteries of the grail remain unknown.

From an archetypal perspective, we are each like Perceval when we meet the contents of the unconscious. We resist engaging, we turn away from the experience, we awake the following day and wonder if it was all a figment of our imagination. The story teaches us, however, that the initial encounter is not the only chance we have. As we seek the holy grail, a redeeming essence that can bring healing and wholeness, we are like to stumble once again upon the inner castle, and there, we can ask the questions that will bring about transformation.

Asking the Redeeming Questions

The Knight of the Holy Grail by Frederick J. Waugh

“From my experience I am convinced that it is nearly impossible to produce anything in the imagination that is not an authentic representation of something in the unconscious. The whole function of the imagination is to draw up the material from the unconscious, clothe it in images, and transmit it to the conscious mind. Whatever comes up in the imagination must have been living somewhere in the fabric of the unconscious before it was given an image-form by the imagination.”

— Robert A. Johnson, Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth

Why is it so important for Perceval to ask these questions? Psychologically, it is an act of making our inner nature, its ailments and wonders, conscious. Without a turning towards these dynamics and engaging — via questioning, dialogue, contemplation, interaction — we allow them to slip below, out of reach.

These are our images, our lost parts of self, our sacred symbols, however strange or non-sensical it all may seem. In the quote above, Jungian Analyst Robert A. Johnson puts forward an important idea — all things we produce in the space of imagination or creative thought originates in the unconscious. It’s no wonder then that these meetings feel difficult to relate to; that is natural when we breach the walls of consciousness. The desire to question the validity of what is happening, to resist the pull of connection, is universally true — just like Perceval.

If, however, we can acknowledge that we are participating in the mythic story of our lives, each of these encounters can be seen as an opportunity to deepen knowing of ourselves. To build a relationship with the archetypal forms within. To reclaim what has been forgotten.

Taking inspiration from the grail legend, we may consider a simple approach as the questions Perceval had to ask: What ails thee, my king? Whom does the grail serve? What is the meaning of these mysterious items before me?

Reformulated to apply to our own inner work, these question could be…

What troubles or wounds does this part of myself hold? What purpose or role does this part serve? What deeper significance and meaning do these insights/images/words hold for me?

One could explore these redeeming questions through journaling or with a trusted companion in a therapeutic setting. However, if you’ve been experiencing a sense of doubt or resistance, I find that utilizing techniques that rely less on the ego’s skills of discernment to be particularly striking and effective, such as:

1. Do a tarot reading (or other divination tool of your choice). Use the questions as a prompt, drawing one card for each. The synchronous pulling of the cards will align these queries to a specific set of images and symbols that you can further work with.

2. Incubate a dream by setting the intention to explore these questions. Pay attention to the dream that comes up that night, or possibly the day or two after. However trivial or odd it may seem, write down what happened in the dream, the figures, emotional tone, etc. Reflect on how this dream is a symbolic representation of the questions posed.

3. Ask these questions to yourself, and rather than finding words or images for their answer, pay attention to your body and the sensations you notice in response. An instinct to get up and run away, a tingling in the legs, a feeling of expansion in the shoulders can alert you to how these elements sit within and their deeper meaning.

Most of all, an attitude of patience and openness to the process is what has helped me through these different trials. Perhaps a period of resistance is needed for internal resources to be allocated or to find the proper modality for the work. Often, there’s an adjustment period, and with time we come to familiarize ourselves with the way the unconscious reaches out. Like Perceval, we learn how to meet these dynamics and restore our inner landscape to a state of harmony and wholeness.

Join the conversation

1. Which archetypal themes of the grail legend do you recognize in your life and inner experiences?

2. What modalities or techniques do you use in times of doubt or resistance to continue a process of inner work?

3. Do you agree with the notion that all our imaginal creations originate in the unconscious?

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