Hello Alyssa - i love this post. I have also been feeling this - my guides told me that I am in the season of death, of 1000 little deaths. So much came through me that I had to write about it (there are 2 parts) - my sense of acceptance and forgiveness I needed to do the work. My analogy was to have a cup of tea with death rather than fearing it. I also did a ritual to let go what must be released. Seems we are in the same place. Your is waaay more elegant, and I loved reading it.
Reminds me of the Buddha inviting Mara to tea, to sit with death rather than fear it.
Perhaps the movement towards fall, descent, and winter is bringing themes of death for many? Experiencing many little deaths feels different than mine, which was very intense and all encompassing. I don't think bite sized versions are any easier! But it's intriguing the different ways it shows up. Thanks for sharing :)
Yes, glad to share with you. For me, many little deaths. But some of those are really not little. It’s just that they keep coming, one after another. I don’t seem to get a breath between. I really embrace the concept of surrender…instead, have a cup a tea. Meet this in a safe space. I am about to have hypnosis to have this very special conversation with death via the moon card. A spirit journey with the help of my hypnotherapist to help me safely navigate this and also go deep enough to process whatever happens. It’s both terrifying and I am ready too.
The moon card is an apt symbolic container for that work. I've always had that card come up when dealing with those moments of difficult initiation, but rather than just themes of death and change, it gives you a chance to interpret and commune.
I am awed by your dream and your deep reflections on a time that sounds very painful to sit with. Death, endings, letting go, are all so hard for me to sit with. I will drag things out for as long as possible to avoid an ending that is inevitable and actually worse than if I had faced it in the first place. I love how your dream depicted the way that deaths become a part of the structure, something that is being created. And then there’s the mystery of the missing woman. Such a big dream as we enter the season of waning light. 🌚🥀🍂🕸️
A big dream indeed, I feel I will be working with for a long time to come! The perspective it gave was really unexpected and needed at that time. It is easy to resist the ending or only see it one dimensionally, this really helped :)
Death has been a constant companion of mine for most of my life. I watched my mom die in my 20s and lost my dad in my 30s. In the last year I've spent weeks and weeks in ICUs (I'm sitting in one now as I type this) with my daughter while she fought for her life. In ICUs death is an ever present reality and I've felt it's visceral presence. Back in January, as my 17yo daughter recovered in neurotrauma icu following complications from a brain surgery, a 15yo a few rooms down died from a hit and run accident. I held space for his mom and hugged her tight. She dressed him up in the suit he would have worn to prom and his family sat vigil next to his bed as they awaited the donation of his organs. His tragic death saved the lives of others. Reading this article is very meaningful for me and I plan to revisit it as much as I need to.
Wendi, these are such tender and sorrowful sharings. I can only imagine the level of grief experienced for you, for that mother in the ICU, it is an important reminder for me of the fragility and beauty of life. I am glad my article could offer something meaningful, thank you for sharing.
"That feeling of being torn apart, of destruction or annihilation, of slow and corrosive endings is characteristic when the structures of consciousness are being rebuilt."
When I did bother to log down my experiences on my IG, I mentioned being "pulled apart" by all sorts of knowledge within and without. About grounding with a ritual, I realised almost belatedly that many activities I used to enjoy - I find not much drive for them any longer! Perhaps walking and getting lost in some new neighbourhood remain something I could envision continuing. I previously had this romantic idea that it could be time for the 'return' but I increasingly find myself wanting to go further away from the collective even as I do enjoy some connection when I must be with people for work. I no longer get too anxious about how long more I'll be in this space but the sense of restlessness never really leaves...
So interesting to see similar themes and experiences reflected for you as well. I think each time we are in points of evolutions or endings, what we need might shift as well. Perhaps a ritual or activity that would be supporting and enriching is one that you hadn't considered? I was indeed surprised by what I ended up needing for this experience.
Profoundly moving piece. Thank you so much for such honest and open sharing, it's what makes this site so valued. The turn to ritual as a containing space makes good sense to me and its a helpful reminder, especially as we are on the run down to Samhain now, of how ritual can hold us when death and surrender are all around. Much appreciated. As always, some great art choices.
Thank you, Deryn, I always appreciate your thoughtful comments. It is an auspicious time of the year to meet death and work with ritual (at least for us in the northern hemisphere). That's given me some further ideas to ponder.
The long barrow Belas Knapp is not too far from where I live. Its a good site to visit at Samhain if not wanting to travel down to Avebury stone circle. Do you have ancient sites in your neck of the woods?
I am in California, I would say the most ancient of sites to visit are natural ones - redwood groves, the Sierra mountain range, etc. Here in America, we lack a lot of the rich history of historical sites, but I do get a similar experience visiting nature. My time in Europe and other countries abroad is always so enriching, it feels rare to have that immersion in old cities and spiritual sites.
Thank you Alyssa I resonate so much with the piece - in my art practice I am so often visited by death in my images - skeletons, graves, shrouded bodies. There is often an intimacy in these images of life and death and a feeling of sanctity. Thank you for bringing new insight and understanding to how we might move into deeper relationship with these aspects of self, psyche and the world
Thanks for your comment, Amy. Fascinating to hear how death arises in the images of your art - the psyche speaks in those spontaneous creations as well.
Hello Alyssa - i love this post. I have also been feeling this - my guides told me that I am in the season of death, of 1000 little deaths. So much came through me that I had to write about it (there are 2 parts) - my sense of acceptance and forgiveness I needed to do the work. My analogy was to have a cup of tea with death rather than fearing it. I also did a ritual to let go what must be released. Seems we are in the same place. Your is waaay more elegant, and I loved reading it.
https://ericaphillips.substack.com/p/intuitive-transformation-with-our
Reminds me of the Buddha inviting Mara to tea, to sit with death rather than fear it.
Perhaps the movement towards fall, descent, and winter is bringing themes of death for many? Experiencing many little deaths feels different than mine, which was very intense and all encompassing. I don't think bite sized versions are any easier! But it's intriguing the different ways it shows up. Thanks for sharing :)
Yes, glad to share with you. For me, many little deaths. But some of those are really not little. It’s just that they keep coming, one after another. I don’t seem to get a breath between. I really embrace the concept of surrender…instead, have a cup a tea. Meet this in a safe space. I am about to have hypnosis to have this very special conversation with death via the moon card. A spirit journey with the help of my hypnotherapist to help me safely navigate this and also go deep enough to process whatever happens. It’s both terrifying and I am ready too.
The moon card is an apt symbolic container for that work. I've always had that card come up when dealing with those moments of difficult initiation, but rather than just themes of death and change, it gives you a chance to interpret and commune.
I am awed by your dream and your deep reflections on a time that sounds very painful to sit with. Death, endings, letting go, are all so hard for me to sit with. I will drag things out for as long as possible to avoid an ending that is inevitable and actually worse than if I had faced it in the first place. I love how your dream depicted the way that deaths become a part of the structure, something that is being created. And then there’s the mystery of the missing woman. Such a big dream as we enter the season of waning light. 🌚🥀🍂🕸️
A big dream indeed, I feel I will be working with for a long time to come! The perspective it gave was really unexpected and needed at that time. It is easy to resist the ending or only see it one dimensionally, this really helped :)
Death has been a constant companion of mine for most of my life. I watched my mom die in my 20s and lost my dad in my 30s. In the last year I've spent weeks and weeks in ICUs (I'm sitting in one now as I type this) with my daughter while she fought for her life. In ICUs death is an ever present reality and I've felt it's visceral presence. Back in January, as my 17yo daughter recovered in neurotrauma icu following complications from a brain surgery, a 15yo a few rooms down died from a hit and run accident. I held space for his mom and hugged her tight. She dressed him up in the suit he would have worn to prom and his family sat vigil next to his bed as they awaited the donation of his organs. His tragic death saved the lives of others. Reading this article is very meaningful for me and I plan to revisit it as much as I need to.
Wendi, these are such tender and sorrowful sharings. I can only imagine the level of grief experienced for you, for that mother in the ICU, it is an important reminder for me of the fragility and beauty of life. I am glad my article could offer something meaningful, thank you for sharing.
"That feeling of being torn apart, of destruction or annihilation, of slow and corrosive endings is characteristic when the structures of consciousness are being rebuilt."
When I did bother to log down my experiences on my IG, I mentioned being "pulled apart" by all sorts of knowledge within and without. About grounding with a ritual, I realised almost belatedly that many activities I used to enjoy - I find not much drive for them any longer! Perhaps walking and getting lost in some new neighbourhood remain something I could envision continuing. I previously had this romantic idea that it could be time for the 'return' but I increasingly find myself wanting to go further away from the collective even as I do enjoy some connection when I must be with people for work. I no longer get too anxious about how long more I'll be in this space but the sense of restlessness never really leaves...
So interesting to see similar themes and experiences reflected for you as well. I think each time we are in points of evolutions or endings, what we need might shift as well. Perhaps a ritual or activity that would be supporting and enriching is one that you hadn't considered? I was indeed surprised by what I ended up needing for this experience.
Thank you for sharing :)
Profoundly moving piece. Thank you so much for such honest and open sharing, it's what makes this site so valued. The turn to ritual as a containing space makes good sense to me and its a helpful reminder, especially as we are on the run down to Samhain now, of how ritual can hold us when death and surrender are all around. Much appreciated. As always, some great art choices.
Thank you, Deryn, I always appreciate your thoughtful comments. It is an auspicious time of the year to meet death and work with ritual (at least for us in the northern hemisphere). That's given me some further ideas to ponder.
The long barrow Belas Knapp is not too far from where I live. Its a good site to visit at Samhain if not wanting to travel down to Avebury stone circle. Do you have ancient sites in your neck of the woods?
I am in California, I would say the most ancient of sites to visit are natural ones - redwood groves, the Sierra mountain range, etc. Here in America, we lack a lot of the rich history of historical sites, but I do get a similar experience visiting nature. My time in Europe and other countries abroad is always so enriching, it feels rare to have that immersion in old cities and spiritual sites.
Thank you Alyssa I resonate so much with the piece - in my art practice I am so often visited by death in my images - skeletons, graves, shrouded bodies. There is often an intimacy in these images of life and death and a feeling of sanctity. Thank you for bringing new insight and understanding to how we might move into deeper relationship with these aspects of self, psyche and the world
Thanks for your comment, Amy. Fascinating to hear how death arises in the images of your art - the psyche speaks in those spontaneous creations as well.
This was incredible Alyssa , so expressive and well articulated, fascinating and subtly specific. Loved it .
Thank you, Gazel :) It was an interesting piece to write, I felt it was part of the containment and processing to do so.