I think Borges quoted the Koran to the effect of " The angel of death is terrifying, but when we embrace her her visage becomes beautiful." Change is often initially painful, but once that threshold is cross, often growth ensues. Great article, Alyssa.
Beautiful quote, it captures the complexity and struggle of crossing thresholds of change. Angels are also a fascinating psychopomp figure. There's lots of interesting anecdotes of individuals hallucinating angels during times of strife.
I saw your comment on Hermes. What about him or his mythology do you feel most drawn to?
As a self-proclaimed dilettante, I empathize with characters who reside in the liminal spaces and act as couriers between worlds. That, and I have recently gone down hermetic rabbit holes regarding mysticism.
I reckon saying once during a psychotherapy session I was receiving :
For this one it’s important no one gets in So Anubis and guardian dogs will guard the gates .
My psychotherapist was looking to me as an alien , it was later on I realised how many times my psyche was appearing in sessions talking through metaphors
I'm currently reading Kalsched's book Trauma and the Soul, and your account of the spider symbol and its morphing, reminded me of what he is saying about the protecting figures of the psyche and also the way they can transform the other way - into persecutors.
I’ve been meaning to write about Kalsched’s work and the self care system. It has been very impactful for me and I’ve drawn a lot of meaning and insight from both books.
His exploration of the Rapunzel fairy tale influenced my post on IFS and complexes.
I loved your Rapunzel post. It was that which brought me into your substack page, I think. So glad my persecutory figures are demons and dobermans, the spiders would be unbearable. Of course, now I've said that ....
It would be interesting to hear your thoughts on Kalsched if you do decided to dedicate a post to his ideas.
Glad to hear you enjoyed that piece. There are many other persecutory figures and images that come up, but the spider has truly been there since the early days. With the insight I've spoken to on this post, I am attempting to quell my resistance and see if the spider may have some insight or resources that I've been out of touch with. I'm curious to see where that goes!
Are there any particular areas of interest with Kalsched's work that you'd like to see some writing on?
because of my dream series on lost boys I was much taken by what he had to say about lost children, and caged animals, but that's just me personally. I'm only up to chapter 3. I'll come back to you if something strikes me.
I suffered through night terrors, from as far back as I can recall & into my forties. I would wake-up to light beings hovering around my bed and hovering over my children. One night I proclaimed “it’s you again! Well, if you are here to help then help already. If not, go away for good.” I haven’t seen them since. It felt good to acknowledge their existence and to finally stand in my power.
My spirit animal seems to be the hawk these days. I do occasionally see ethereal spiders when coming to from meditation. To me they represent the matrix and its web being more visible and apparent.
Often times, our ability to confront these figures (in dreams or in an in-between state) does bring about a change. In your case, it made them leave, and brought a sense of empowerment. It can be hard to have these exchanges, as these images can be quite frightful. Glad to hear that you had a positive experience with yours.
I like your point here on spiders, I think that's something I will contemplate more of.
Beautiful piece - thank you for sharing. I find your fear of spiders interesting because it was traditionally the same for me. When I went through a huge life transition 6 years ago - all of sudden they were everywhere. I decided to befriend the spider and over time it came to show me I was afraid of the feminine - the creative power of the feminine and in myself. Now I feel they arrive to remind me to write, to create, to bring to life my ideas, to embody their patience and tenacity as I weave my own web. I have a sense of awe when I see them now rather than fear.
Hi Fiona, that's fascinating, I haven't met anyone else with a similar experience. Usually it's just a pure fear of spiders without a sense of its potential deeper psychological significance. How did you come to realize it was about fear of the feminine?
Just the other day, I was sitting next to the window in my living room. I looked out and noticed a large, dark spider spinning its web just on the other side. Usually I would recoil in fear and have a rather strong response. This time, I just watched the spider for a while. I felt a sense of fascination with its movements. It was a really interesting experience for me.
Hi Alyssa, it developed over time... first it was basically understanding a spider as an archetype for creativity. I was researching spirituality at the time for my msc and I came across the grandmother spider mythology which posits she spun the universe into existence and was responsible for life (creation myth effectively). This was all quite surface level until one morning I woke and there was an ENORMOUS jet black spider on the wall moving. It was like she was pulsing with life and potent in some way and suddenly I just got it .... a fear of the deep feminine is prevalent not just in me but across society... she is both alluring and dangerous simultaneously and we are scared of it in ourselves and others because it’s less controllable. It’s something I reflect on regularly and it’s still unraveling but it has made me tap into that aspect of myself more- wild woman archetype perhaps.
Interestingly I read Alex Beiner’s book the Bigger Picture before the holidays and he discusses how during one psychedelic experience - he encountered the ‘Spider Queen’ as he called her. He found her alluring and dangerous and the lesson she told him was he was afraid of aspects of the feminine. Obviously I was quite drawn to his description because it mirrored my own.
Very long answer I know but hope it is clear and helps! Let me know any questions :)
I think it is a very similar mechanism, essentially, a dream-like active imagination.
What often helps these symbols transform, or at the very least "activate" so we can interact with them, is having enough conscious awareness placed on them. In typical active imaginations, we may talk with the image, or prompt it in some way. For me, I was still in a half-asleep state, but I had enough consciousness to focus on the symbol. Perhaps, this mimics a lucid dream state, which has similar flavors to active imagination as well.
I think Borges quoted the Koran to the effect of " The angel of death is terrifying, but when we embrace her her visage becomes beautiful." Change is often initially painful, but once that threshold is cross, often growth ensues. Great article, Alyssa.
Beautiful quote, it captures the complexity and struggle of crossing thresholds of change. Angels are also a fascinating psychopomp figure. There's lots of interesting anecdotes of individuals hallucinating angels during times of strife.
I saw your comment on Hermes. What about him or his mythology do you feel most drawn to?
As a self-proclaimed dilettante, I empathize with characters who reside in the liminal spaces and act as couriers between worlds. That, and I have recently gone down hermetic rabbit holes regarding mysticism.
Both are such rich areas where Hermes acts as patron and inspiration. He’s one of my favorites as well.
His handbags are to die for as well.
haha!!
there should be a 'grin' button :-)
Agreed!
I reckon saying once during a psychotherapy session I was receiving :
For this one it’s important no one gets in So Anubis and guardian dogs will guard the gates .
My psychotherapist was looking to me as an alien , it was later on I realised how many times my psyche was appearing in sessions talking through metaphors
I had a similar thought just recently!! That a watchful wolf stood guard at the gates of my psyche. It was very comforting.
This is so nurturing 🤍 so happy “your “Anubis guards your seat 🌷🌷🌷
❤️❤️❤️
I'm currently reading Kalsched's book Trauma and the Soul, and your account of the spider symbol and its morphing, reminded me of what he is saying about the protecting figures of the psyche and also the way they can transform the other way - into persecutors.
I’ve been meaning to write about Kalsched’s work and the self care system. It has been very impactful for me and I’ve drawn a lot of meaning and insight from both books.
His exploration of the Rapunzel fairy tale influenced my post on IFS and complexes.
https://alyssapolizzi.substack.com/p/the-child-in-the-tower
I loved your Rapunzel post. It was that which brought me into your substack page, I think. So glad my persecutory figures are demons and dobermans, the spiders would be unbearable. Of course, now I've said that ....
It would be interesting to hear your thoughts on Kalsched if you do decided to dedicate a post to his ideas.
Glad to hear you enjoyed that piece. There are many other persecutory figures and images that come up, but the spider has truly been there since the early days. With the insight I've spoken to on this post, I am attempting to quell my resistance and see if the spider may have some insight or resources that I've been out of touch with. I'm curious to see where that goes!
Are there any particular areas of interest with Kalsched's work that you'd like to see some writing on?
because of my dream series on lost boys I was much taken by what he had to say about lost children, and caged animals, but that's just me personally. I'm only up to chapter 3. I'll come back to you if something strikes me.
Please do!
I suffered through night terrors, from as far back as I can recall & into my forties. I would wake-up to light beings hovering around my bed and hovering over my children. One night I proclaimed “it’s you again! Well, if you are here to help then help already. If not, go away for good.” I haven’t seen them since. It felt good to acknowledge their existence and to finally stand in my power.
My spirit animal seems to be the hawk these days. I do occasionally see ethereal spiders when coming to from meditation. To me they represent the matrix and its web being more visible and apparent.
Your exchange with these night terrors recalls some of the points I make in this article: https://alyssapolizzi.substack.com/p/pursuit-and-chase-dreams
Often times, our ability to confront these figures (in dreams or in an in-between state) does bring about a change. In your case, it made them leave, and brought a sense of empowerment. It can be hard to have these exchanges, as these images can be quite frightful. Glad to hear that you had a positive experience with yours.
I like your point here on spiders, I think that's something I will contemplate more of.
Beautiful piece - thank you for sharing. I find your fear of spiders interesting because it was traditionally the same for me. When I went through a huge life transition 6 years ago - all of sudden they were everywhere. I decided to befriend the spider and over time it came to show me I was afraid of the feminine - the creative power of the feminine and in myself. Now I feel they arrive to remind me to write, to create, to bring to life my ideas, to embody their patience and tenacity as I weave my own web. I have a sense of awe when I see them now rather than fear.
Hi Fiona, that's fascinating, I haven't met anyone else with a similar experience. Usually it's just a pure fear of spiders without a sense of its potential deeper psychological significance. How did you come to realize it was about fear of the feminine?
Just the other day, I was sitting next to the window in my living room. I looked out and noticed a large, dark spider spinning its web just on the other side. Usually I would recoil in fear and have a rather strong response. This time, I just watched the spider for a while. I felt a sense of fascination with its movements. It was a really interesting experience for me.
Hi Alyssa, it developed over time... first it was basically understanding a spider as an archetype for creativity. I was researching spirituality at the time for my msc and I came across the grandmother spider mythology which posits she spun the universe into existence and was responsible for life (creation myth effectively). This was all quite surface level until one morning I woke and there was an ENORMOUS jet black spider on the wall moving. It was like she was pulsing with life and potent in some way and suddenly I just got it .... a fear of the deep feminine is prevalent not just in me but across society... she is both alluring and dangerous simultaneously and we are scared of it in ourselves and others because it’s less controllable. It’s something I reflect on regularly and it’s still unraveling but it has made me tap into that aspect of myself more- wild woman archetype perhaps.
Interestingly I read Alex Beiner’s book the Bigger Picture before the holidays and he discusses how during one psychedelic experience - he encountered the ‘Spider Queen’ as he called her. He found her alluring and dangerous and the lesson she told him was he was afraid of aspects of the feminine. Obviously I was quite drawn to his description because it mirrored my own.
Very long answer I know but hope it is clear and helps! Let me know any questions :)
Anubis, I have used his name in many metaphors .
Anubis stands tall like a tree I kind of sense he is rooted , in my perception 🙏
He does seem tree-like, he is willowy yet his stance looks grounded.
My (limited) experience with active imagination is symbolic images can often appear to transform.. is that something different?
I think it is a very similar mechanism, essentially, a dream-like active imagination.
What often helps these symbols transform, or at the very least "activate" so we can interact with them, is having enough conscious awareness placed on them. In typical active imaginations, we may talk with the image, or prompt it in some way. For me, I was still in a half-asleep state, but I had enough consciousness to focus on the symbol. Perhaps, this mimics a lucid dream state, which has similar flavors to active imagination as well.